


Case of the Stolen Jewels

by derp2lol (Ihere)



Series: PoliceForcestuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Cops, Crime Fighting, Crime Scenes, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-04
Updated: 2012-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-30 14:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihere/pseuds/derp2lol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Officer Karkat Vantas is an easily aggravated cop who is forced to team up with a kid from the Capitol, Jade Harley. How can these to work together to solve their first case: stolen jewels?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Police Officer Karkat Vantas walks through the streets of Skaia. The early morning fog only dampens his already shitty day in this spit size of a town. A school bus full of snot nose little shits goes past him with the brats pointing and laughing at the sixteen-sweep-old police officer.

Karkat grabs a cigarette from the inside of his jacket; usually he tries to avoid smoking when he gets close to work because of that fucking law prohibiting it, but he really needs a smoke right now. 

He brings the cigarette and the gray lighter close to his face, and as he finally gets the damn thing to light after a thousand shitty attempts; a car comes and splashes water onto him. The human driving the car, a male, pulls to the side to apologize to Karkat, but quickly leaves when Karkat threw a million death threats at him. Karkat hurried along to his department while lighting a new cigarette. He used his back to push open the door and hurried inside trying to hide his cigarette from the fussy receptionist. 

“I see that Mr. Vantas.” A calm soothing voice said. “You know as well as I do that smoking is prohibited in government buildings.”

Karkat pulls the cigarette from out of his mouth, “Hey Kanaya,” he sighs. “Can’t you let me through and make an exception for once? I’ve had a really fucking shitty day.”

The jade-blooded receptionist smiles at the officer and straightens her blouse, “Why Mr. Vantas how could you possibly have a horrifying day when it’s not even noon? Your day has only just begun!” 

“Cut the crap Kanaya, you know what I mean.” He gives her his most intimidating look.

She remains unfazed, “Now you know Mr. Vantas that you can’t affect me with your interrogating cop routine. Besides, the Chief would never let you smoke in his building.” She begins to twiddle with her green pen watching the cop.

Karkat sticks the cigarette back into his mouth, “Fine! I’ll just avoid the beef-head all day. Do I look like I really give a fuck?”

Kanaya’s smile disappears and she sighs, “Mr. Vantas I really do wish that you wouldn’t use such crude language quite so often, you know that the Chief doesn’t like it at all.”

Karkat throws his hands up, “What did I just fucking say? I don’t want or plan to meet my thick-skull of a boss.”

The receptionist finally looses all of her patience, “Mr. Vantas! You do not have a choice in these matters today because the Chief wants to see you in his office right now!” Karkat groans and smashes his hand on his face, “Damn it! Fuck fine then, I’ll go talk to him.” He starts to leave, but Kanaya has other plans.

“Mr. Vantas, are you forgetting something?” She sticks out the palm of her hand patiently. 

The aggravated office gives up and hands her the cigarette from out of his mouth. He plans on smoking later anyways. 

Karkat goes up to his pathetic desk and dumps his worn out briefcase over it; a slight creak is made by the desk itself. There is only one other worker in the room who wakes up from his nap startled by the creak. 

“Wha-?”

Karkat then decided to give the sleep deprived officer a warm-hearted wake up call, “Wake up asshole. It’s seven am.” “Fuck, did I sleep in the building again?” the lisp-y officer asked. 

“Yeah Captor, I don’t know how the Chief lets you do that all the fucking time.”

Officer Sollux Captor chuckles to himself, “Well maybe that’s because I do all the paper work when I stay the night.”

Karkat huffed, “I think it’s because you’re a hobo.” 

Both officers then proceed to flip each other off. 

Kanaya then decides to walk in on them, “Mr. Vantas and Mr. Captor, please refrain from such actions during working hours.” Both male trolls glared each other down instead. “Mr. Vantas,” the called for officer looks at the receptionist, “The Chief will see you now.” 

Karkat groans to himself complaining that he did not want to spend his day like this, but Kanaya is relentless. So instead the officer gives one final flip of the bird to his co-worker, but Kanaya grabs him saying that they can’t waste anymore time. 

The fussy receptionist shoves Karkat into the Chief’s office. The sweaty Chief is currently occupied with some documents on his desk. Karkat makes a short knock-knock on the door frame to call the Chief’s attention. 

“Ahh Mr. Vantas, I’ve been expecting you for quite some time now.”

Said officer makes a nervous laugh, “Heh, hey Chief. Why did you call me in so early?”

The Police Chief Equius Zahhak settled his papers on his desk, “Please Mr. Vantas, would you take a seat?” He gestures to the chair across from him.

Karkat sits down carefully; he knows that a few of the lazy bum officers have been getting laid off due to budget cuts. Karkat has been preparing his defense speech for quite some time in case Zahhak would attempt to give him the axe. 

“Now Mr. Vantas, I suppose that you’ve noticed that our police force has been cutting back on its officers-“

Karkat interrupts, “Yeah! And if you think that for one second I’m going to let you fire me, then you have another thing coming! I’ll fight-“

“Mr. Vantas!” The Chief raises his voice, “I did not call you in here to fire you. Please calm down.”

Embarrassed, Karkat sits back in his seat, “Oh uh sorry Chief.”

Chief Zahhak takes a deep breath, “As I was saying, due to the budget cuts I’ve had to cut officers who are inefficient to work our demanding jobs. You know, Mr. Vantas that you are exceptional at your job, and therefore I would not fire you.” Chief Zahhak lowers his sunglasses to look Karkat in the eyes, “Despite your attitude. I hope you improve on it soon.” 

The Chief Police of Skaia goes back to his calm demeanor, “Now I’ve made a deal with the Capitol City’s police force to have them give us one of their more efficient officers. This officer is to make up for the ones I’ve cut.”

Karkat warily looks at his Chief, “So what does this have to do with me?”

“This officer is new on the force, a kid. The officer has never had any real field work, but the scores on the exam were so exceptional, that I’m allowing this trade up.”

Karkat rises from his seat, “Or a trade down! Seriously sir? You hired some kid to replace our officers? Isn’t that a gamble?”

“Sit down Mr. Vantas. This kid has better scores on the exam than you did. And I hired you despite your obvious flaws, and you’ve proven outstanding in your work. Now Mr. Vantas sit down!” Karkat sits back down in his seat.

“Now going back to what I was saying before,” Chief Zahhak continues, “I can’t just let this kid run the streets unattended, so I am assigning you to work with the kid.” 

Karkat slams his fist on the Chief’s desk, “You’re making me partner up with a snot-bag? I refuse!”

“Mr. Vantas, if you refuse then fill out a resignation!” Both trolls stare at each other until Karkat backs down. 

“Alright I’ll work with the kid, when is he coming over?”

The Chief straightens up his desk, “Soon, in less than an hour in fact. I suggest you get your desk organized. That is all Mr. Vantas, you are dismissed.” 

Karkat bitterly leaves the Chief’s office and heads back to his desk were he slams his head on his desk. Sollux laughs at the pained officer, “Did you get the axe?”

Karkat groans, “No, the asshole is making me work with some kid from the Capitol. I’m fucking babysitting!”

A feminine voice interjects, “Watch the language Karkat, hehe.” Karkat rubs his face and the voice continues, “You should be happy that someone is going to work with you, they can pick up your slack!”

Karkat looks at the female troll, “Shut the fuck up Terezi, I’m not in the mood.”

Not an officer, Terezi Pyrope comes into the office. Instead she is a bounty hunter because when she was on the force she said it wasn’t interesting enough for her. Terezi still visits the department in her free time though to torture the officers. “Watch the language Karkat, if Chief Stinky Sweats were to hear that language, then what would you do?” 

“Swear till my fucking voice box dies from exhaustion. Now go away, I want to wallow in my anger alone.” Both Terezi and Officer Captor leave together to the canteen to steal some early morning coffee.

Twenty minutes pass when Karkat is interrupted again by a different female voice, “Umm excuse me. Are you Officer Vantas?” Karkat raises his head to see a female sea troll standing above him. Based on her symbol, Karkat can see that she is a troll of highest blood. “Hi, Chief Zahhak said I should come to you.”

Karkat decides to give the sea troll a good hazing to welcome her, “Oh this is just fucking great!” The sea troll flinches at the swear, “Not only am I partnering up with an inexperience kid, but also a high blood FEMALE troll! This is just fucking great!”

“Wha- What do you mean officer? I’m afraid I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Excuse me?” a voice interjects from the entrance, “Is a Mr. Vantas here?” Karkat looks toward the entrance. A female human that only appears to be in her early twenties is standing at the door. She waits patiently for Karkat to respond.

He responds, “Who the fuck are you?” 

A little annoyed the female human answers, “I’m Jade Harley, your partner.”

Karkat stares at her in disbelief, “But you’re human!”

Jade signs and walks over to Karkat with her hand out, “And you’re a troll, it’s nice to meet you.” Karkat stares at her hand not doing anything else.

“Excuse me!” The sea troll interrupts, “Is someone going to help me?”

Jade turns around leaving Karkat’s glare and answers cheerily, “Of course, now who might you be?”

The sea troll puffs up her chest, “My name is Feferi Peixes, and I’m here because I have a theft case for you.”


	2. Chapter Two

“So what are you hungry for, Karkat?” Jade asks holding a menu in front of her face. 

Karkat is looking outside of the diner window resting his head on his hands, “I’ll just have the same thing I always have.”

“And what would that be?” Jade questions.

Karkat barks back, “Why do you bother asking? You’ll just find out when our orders are taken!” 

The female officer slams her menu on the table and glares at Karkat, “Why do you have to be so difficult? I’m just trying to be social!” 

Karkat returns the glare, “Well don’t! I don’t want you here and I’ll be counting the days till you leave!”

“Oh? And when will that be?”

Karkat grins, “When I can prove to the Chief that bringing you over here was a horrible idea.” 

Jade picks the menu back up to cover her face and responds, “Good luck with that. I plan on staying here for quite a while.” Karkat scowls a dirty look toward her direction before turning back to the window. There he pulls a cigarette out of his jacket and lights it.

Karkat and Jade had spent the past few hours getting information from multi-billionaire Feferi Peixes about the robbery. Apparently she has a safe in her private room where she keeps her family’s jewelry and large stacks of cash (her guardian taught her to discredit banks). This morning when she was getting dressed she discovered that all of her precious heirlooms and money had been stolen. She went to Chief Zahhak for help, and he assigned the newly arranged duo to solve this case. The two are supposed to go to the Peixes Mansion after they eat.

“Well I think I’ll have the chicken salad.” Jade scoffs. Karkat grumbles a response that isn’t really a response at all but more of him just being an ass to Jade. He continues to smoke his cigarette. 

“Come on Karkat! If we are going to work together than we should get to know each other! Try to make an effort at least.” Jade then gives him her most pitiable look.

Karkat smacks his hand down, “You want to learn more about me? FINE! I’m a low blood troll; in fact, my blood isn’t even on the troll blood caste! It’s one of your bullshit human colors. I’m not even one of the fucking inter-species breed! And because of that, I’ve had to work my fucking ass off to get here! And you wonder why I don’t want to work with you? Maybe it’s because you’re proof that Chief Ass-Fat still doesn’t trust me!” He then finishes his mini speech by smashing his cigarette in the diner ash tray and pulling out a new one. Jade could only stare at Karkat after that rant. 

The two spent five seconds of awkward silence before their waiter arrived. 

“Whoa bro, you got to be chillaxin and shit.” Their waiter happens to be a completely stoned one. He places a hand on Karkat shoulder who doesn’t mind the affection. 

“Whatever Gamzee, I’m fucking fine. Just take our orders so we can get out of here. We’re already late because someone,” he glances accusingly at Jade, “took too long to get set up in the department.”

“Well SORRY that I wanted to get set up on my first day!” Jade barks back.

The waiter Gamzee intervenes, “Whoa my bro and sis, calm the fuck down. I’m going to motherfucking take care of the both of you. But first, bro” he looks toward Jade, “Who is this fucking fine female?” He lifts her hand to his face and plants a quick kiss. Jade slowly and cautiously withdraws her hand. 

“That’s Jade, my new partner. My asshole of a Chief is making me work with her.” Karkat grumbles staring at the spaced out waiter. 

“Well my new motherfucking sis, any friend of my moirial is a motherfucking friend of mine, a personal miracle rule of mine.” Jade smiles politely at him.

“I never said she was my friend.” Karkat corrects.

Gamzee’s happy attitude gets a little sad with this new bit of information, “Oh, well fuck then.” He turns to Jade, “Well I’m sure we can still be the best of motherfucking friends.”

She laughs, “Sure Gamzee.”

Gamzee returns the laugh, “Well now that we’ve got that in fucking order, what’ll you have?”

“A chicken salad.”

“The usual.” Jade glares at Karkat.

“Alright my fucking friends, I’ll be back.” And with that Gamzee left the two alone with Jade staring daggers at Karkat.

“So what DID you just order Karkat?”

Karkat turns back to the window, “Meh,” he does his best to cover his hand over his face to hide his laughter. 

Jade cries in frustration before calming herself down, “Alright well what about Gamzee? He said he’s your moirial, right?”

“Huh?” Karkat for the first time pays actual attention to Jade. “Yeah he’s my moirial. It was a tough decision because so many fucking people come up to me trying to get fucking advice. I am the best romance expert. But Gamzee is the only one that I don’t hate too much to be pale with and- ah ah! Wait a second!” He shouts at Jade. He points a sharp finger in her direction, “You’re getting me social!”

She sips her water, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No no no no no! I see what you were trying there, and you can just forget it!”

Jade throws her hands up, “Ahh! What do you want of me? What do I have to do to get you to be a little social?”

Karkat looks around trying to think, “Alright how about this? We make a little wager about this case.”

“A wager?” Jade eyes him.

Karkat relaxes and cockily replies, “Yeah a wager. If you win then we’ll have dinner together where I’ll actually be pleasant. I’ll even pay for the entire meal! Cops honor or some shit.”

She looks at him not completely convinced, “And if you win?”

“If I win,” he smirks, “then you have cut the crap about getting me social, AND you stay out of my way as much as possible. Just enough to make it look like we’re working together and keep the Chief happy.” Karkat flashes a sharp toothy grin, “Do we have a deal?” He holds out his hand.

Jade thinks this over contemplating the pros and cons of the deal and eventually says, “Alright Mr. Vantas, you have a deal.” She shakes his hand and they both spend the rest of their lunch giving intimidating looks to the other. Karkat had a burger. 

After lunch, the duo leaves the dinner and head towards Peixes Mansion. When they near the entrance, Feferi Peixes hurries them inside.

“I’m so glad you two finally made it. I was shore somefin would happen to you two or anyone else with the robbery and all.”

Karkat interjects and lights a cigarette, “Please Madame Peixes, can we refrain from the fish puns and keep this purely professional.” 

“Oh.” The millionaire’s cheery expression dampens a little at that, “I completely understand. Please let me show you where the safe is.”

Feferi leads them into the mansion and the duo is introduced to an extravagant interior. Sea-themed in pearls, marble, and coral the small group go further into the building. 

“Fef, who are these ruffians?” A male voice intrudes. Everyone turns to face a male sea troll who is coming down the expensive stairs. He walks down like he’s trying to get everyone’s eyes solely faced on him. Like a total asshole. 

“Eridan please, these are the cops for the burglary.” She turns back to the officers with an exasperated look on her face. “Everyone, this is my matesprit Eridan Ampora.” only Jade gives a slight wave.

“Starfish, I don’t like having people we don’t know in here. That one is polluting our hive!” he proclaims pointing at Karkat who was wearing an ‘I don’t give a fuck just let me smoke’ look. “I think that we should just-“ 

“Eridan!” Feferi cries with a face palm, “I’m using the police and that’s that!” Eridan responses with a huff and follows the group on their way to the crime scene.


	3. Chapter Three

“So Madame,” starts Karkat lighting a new cigarette, “When exactly did you first notice you were robbed?” 

The group is standing in the master bedroom of Feferi Peixes and in the middle of the room there is a secret latch on the floor which opens up to a safe. “Oh, well it was this morning after my sunrise swim, so around six to six thirty. I was getting dressed and was deciding what jewelry to wear when I opened the safe and noticed that everything was missing.” 

Karkat huffs out some smoke, “And who exactly knows the combination?”

“Only me of course!” she replies. “Eridan doesn’t even touch my money; he’s done quite well on his own investments.”

“I see,” Karkat quickly glances at Eridan suspiciously. “Well Jade and I are going to do a little bit of investigating right now.” The duo then began their investigation on the crime scene.

Karkat spent his time taking fingerprints from the safe and silently watching Eridan. Jade on the other hand merely observed what Karkat was doing along with examining the entire room.

Her attention soon turns to the ceiling, “Ms. Peixes, is that . . . a camera?” 

The whole groups attention follows to the ceiling, “Why yes it is indeed, Ms. Harley,” she answers.

Karkat scrunches up his face a little, “Why didn’t you check the fucking film and find out who stole the fucking money?”

Feferi gets a little frustrated at Karkat’s attitude, “I’ll have you know officer, that I checked the records first!” She then turns a little upset, “It just didn’t work.”

“What do you mean?” interjects Jade.

Flustered, Feferi twiddles her fingers and looks at Eridan, “Well I think it would be better if we showed you instead.” The group then follows Feferi to a completely different room except for Jade who said she would follow in a minute.

Soon enough, Jade rushes over to the entrance of a secret room hidden in the walls where the rest of the group was waiting for her. Inside there where television screens each for one room in the Peixes Mansion. 

Karkat extinguishes his cigarette, “Alright now show us what you fucking mean by ‘It just didn’t work.’” 

Eridan turns the dials on the panel, and then one room on the screens rewinds. It keeps going back showing everything that had happened in the past several hours until sometime between two o eight and two ten am when it mysteriously blacked out. 

“That,” said Feferi, “is why we can’t figure out who stole the money.”

“Ms. Peixes didn’t you hear anything? You were sleeping right there!” Jade questions. 

“I’m sorry officer, but no. Well it’s strange because usually I’m a light sleeper, but my maid had difficulty waking me up this morning!” 

“So whoever did this was able to walk past all of the guards and videos and even you,” Karkat summarized pointing at Feferi. “But there is something I would like to try out.” He then went to the dial and continued to rewind it. Karkat soon stopped the dial at several more hours in the past. On the screen it showed Eridan Ampora and a female troll with a pizza in the bedroom.

“Wait a second!” Eridan begs.

Karkat breaths in his smoke, “I don’t think so wise guy, let’s watch this.”

The sea troll goes up to the safe and opens it, and there he fishes out a small sum of cash and hands it to the female pizza troll. They both leave the room afterwards.

“Eridan!” Feferi exclaims, “You know my code?”

“Well you see Fef,” he explains, “you say the code in your sleep, and I just needed a few bucks at the time. . .” Both sea trolls turn purple in embarrassment.

“Mr. Ampora,” begins Karkat, “You are under arrest for stealing the Peixes’ family jewels and inheritance.” He pulls out his handcuffs and places them on Eridan, “Now was it really worth it?” Karkat questions slyly.

“But I didn’t do it!” He wines. 

“Tell to the judge, criminal. You are the only other person to know the combination and you’ve proven to willingly steal from it.”

Eridan looks at his matesprit, “Fef, you’ve got to believe me! I wouldn’t do this to you!” But she can only watch as Karkat takes him away.

“Madame Peixes,” Karkat calls pulling her out of her shock, “I need you to come with me to the department.” She nods her head in agreement. “Are you coming Jade? Just because you lost our wager doesn’t mean you can be a sore fucking loser,” he taunts.

Jade continues to stare at the television screens, “You go on ahead, Karkat. I’ll catch up later.”

“Suit yourself.” And with that Karkat lead Eridan out to his cop car with Feferi following closely behind in her limo.

As soon as Karkat arrived at the department, he threw Eridan into the nearest cell while Feferi watched. 

“Fef! I told you that I didn’t do it! Why don’t you believe me?” Eridan whimpers.

“I want to believe you,” she starts, “but the evidence doesn’t look good on you. Do you have an alibi?” Eridan turned a little pale in the face and shakes his head no. 

“Well Chief,” Karkat begun pulling out a cigarette, “you can call this case closed.”

“Mr. Vantas,” Chief Zahhak grumbles, “I do not allow smoking in my facility. You know that.” And with that, the police chief grabs the cigarette from Karkat’s mouth, leaving the cigarette-free officer making a few curses from under his breath. 

“I’m impressed Karkat,” admires Terezi, “I thought you would screw this up like you always do.”

“Shut up Terezi. Don’t you have some bounty hunting shit to do right now?”

“Nah, this is much more fun.” The bounty hunter then proceeds to attempt a lick at the prisoner who scurries away deeper into his cell. 

Sollux shakes his baton at her, “Hey Terezi, stop harassing the criminals, nobody likes to see that.” The lisp-y officer turns to Karkat, “Where’s Jade? Wasn’t she supposed to be with you?”

“Well,” Karkat replies smugly, “she’s probably crying over the fact that she didn’t get to shine and I won the case before she even got a chance to start.”

“Karkat, you two are supposed to be working together,” corrects Equius. Karkat ignores him.

“Actually, I think my time to shine is starting right now,” a familiar voice from the entrance door reveals Jade. “And I think I have something that you all will just love to see.” 

Karkat glares, “Oh and just what would that be?”

Jade lifts her arm up in the air to reveal a small circular case. She then opens up the case to reveal a cd. “An alibi.”

Without another word she goes to the police’s television and dvd set and pops the cd in. The familiar image of the inside of the Peixes Mansion appears. 

“Oh fuck me,” declares Eridan. 

On the television screen it shows Eridan Ampora trying to make a sexual pass at a maid in a completely different room in the mansion. He was failing miserably. 

“And if you’ll look at the time,” Jade points out, “it’s from two o eight to two o ten am. The exact time when the recording black out happened.” She turns to Karkat, “Eridan Ampora is innocent.” 

Jade receives a few claps from Sollux and Terezi, and Karkat receives a threatening glare from Chief Zahhak. 

“Mr. Vantas,” growls the Chief, “release Mr. Ampora.”

Karkat sheepishly does so as the Chief instructs, and Eridan cautiously exits the cell.

“Fef I-“

Feferi slaps him, “Eridan Ampora we are over! I am sick of you and your attitude.” She points him to leave, and he does so only after presenting her with a pathetic cry. 

Feferi then takes a calming breath and turns to Jade, “Please tell me you know who took my jewelry,” she says exhausted. 

Jade smiles brightly, “I do indeed Ms. Peixes.” She turns to the chief, “Sir, I would like everyone to go with me to capture the criminal so I can present my findings in a most dramatic way, sir.”

Chief Zahhak pulls out his handkerchief to clean up the fresh sweat, “Whatever you feel is best right now, Ms. Harley.”

Jade giggles at that and organizes the group so she and Karkat travel in the cop car while everyone else: Feferi, Chief Zahhak, Terezi, and Sollux could ride in the  
generously offered ride of Feferi’s limo. 

In the cop car, Karkat has only one thing to say to Jade, “You’re a real bitch.”

Karkat drives the group to Jade’s desired destination; which, surprisingly to everyone is the local pizza joint. 

Jade quickly climbs out and ushers everyone inside. There she walks up to the counter, “Excuse me sir?” she says calling the pizza employee’s attention. “I need to know who was working on delivery last night.”

The pizza employee, a male troll looks down at her confused but looks it up in his records book regardless. “Ah,” he says, “It’s only this one.” He points to the name that Jade reads to herself. “She’s here right now,” he continues, “do you want me to get her for you. Like is she going to get arrested or something? Will this be the last time I’ll see her?” He has a bit too happy of a grin on his face, as if he wants to turn her in to the cops. 

A little nervous Jade responses, “Uh yeah, yes! Yes please bring her over here now.” The troll quickly goes to the back of the kitchen and returns just as fast with a female troll. 

A strange troll she is though, with one eye holding seven pupils and she has a blue tint from the hard work she looks at the cops, bounty hunter, and millionaire  
suspiciously. One of the cops nervously watches her from the back pouring more sweat than usual. The other is smoking because this day is going in the fucking pits for him. 

“Friends for ya” her co-worker informs.

Jade looks at the female troll and proclaims, “You are under arrest for burglary, Vriska Serket.”


	4. Chapter Four

Vriska stares at them, “What the fuck are you talking about?” She looks at Jade in confusion.

Chief Zahhak speaks up, “Ms. Harley, let me remind you that I do not tolerate false accusation well. I’ve already had one today.” He turns to Karkat who only heard one thing from Chief Zahhak’s warning.

“Yeah Jade,” he exclaims sneaking another cigarette, “Where’s your fucking proof?” Chief Zahhak growls at the immature officer who continues to ignore his boss. 

“Yes well,” Jade says nervously, “I started to suspect Vriska when we saw the recording.” She turns to the accused, “You were the only other person to have possibly seen the combination. And it makes even better sense now that I’ve seen you in person.” 

Vriska glares at the female officer, “And what does that mean exactly?”

“Let’s start with the crime scene,” Jade says getting excited, and she starts to walk around the pizzeria, “It was a puzzler indeed. The cameras couldn’t capture you, and the light sleeper Feferi couldn’t even hear you. I realize then that we were dealing with a special criminal, one with special abilities.”

Vriska skeptically interrupts Jade, “And you think that’s me?”

“Yes, you see you would have gotten away with it if you didn’t leave this,” she pulls out a small bundle of cobwebs, “behind.”

“Where did you get that?” Vriska exclaims. 

“It was on the camera that blacked out,” Jade answers smugly. She turns to the other trolls, “I got it while you two left me alone in the room.” 

“I never noticed that!” Feferi bubbles. 

“Yeah I almost didn’t too,” Jade turns back to Vriska, “This isn’t very easily noticed is it? Must fit in with a lot of houses.” Jade turns the cobweb around in her hands, “But then I wondered why a beautiful mansion like Ms. Peixes would have cobwebs; especially the master bedroom. The staff would have to be excellent to work for a millionaire. That’s when I realized that I was dealing with a troll who is special.”

“What are you calling me slow?” Vriska snarls.

“Huh? No not at all. You should know that in the academy all officers are trained to understand and recognize all special troll abilities,” Jade explains. “Yours happens to be spider abilities.” Jade leans closer to Vriska from behind the counter, “Your lusus was a spider, right? That’s why you have these powers. You used the cobwebs to cover your hands so your fingerprints wouldn’t touch anything, and I bet they allow you super duper climbing abilities like a superhero!”

“Shut up.” Vriska mutters.

“And I bet you are able to get the special venom those spiders make to get their victims sleepy; which, you used on Ms. Peixes.”

“Shut up.” Vriska says a little louder.

“And with that eye of yours, seeing the combination wasn’t that hard with Mr. Ampora doing it right in front of you was it?”

“Shut up!” Vriska screams.

Jade turns a bit more sympathetic, “But why did you do it? Was working here too tiring for you? Was it your boss? Is he an asshole?” Jade reaches over to place a hand on Vriska’s shoulder, but the spider troll pushes it away. “I need to turn you in now.” 

Vriska stares at Jade for less than a second before she runs back to the kitchen. Bewilder Jade freezes.

“Nice going Harley,” Karkat taunts, “You’re letting her get away.” 

The group runs into the kitchen and to the back door. But when they get outside again, Vriska is gone. 

“Ahh!” Jade cries pulling at her hair. “I should have handcuffed her or something.” 

“No worries Ms. Lime,” says Terezi, “I can find her.” The bounty hunter drops close to the floor and starts sniffing around.

“What is she doing?” Jade asks Sollux.

“Terezi’s blind,” He simply answers.

“What? I didn’t know that!”

“Yeah she’s good at covering it up with her great sense of smell and taste. That’s why she’s the greatest bounty hunter out there.” Terezi shows a thumbs up in approval of  
Sollux’s answers.

“Oh I thought she was just weird.” Terezi then gives Jade the middle finger. 

“I got the Blueberry Bandit, heh,” Terezi finally answers. “Follow me,” and then the crew along with Feferi runs together trying to capture the spider troll. 

One thing’s for certain about Vriska, she can run fast and far. It took ten minutes of constant running before Terezi stops them at a building. 

“She’s here,” states Terezi.

“It’s . . . okay . . . every . . . one . . . fuck! . I’m . . . here,” wheezes Karkat stumbling up from behind them. 

“Mr. Vantas, this is exactly why I discourage smoking,” Chief Zahhak nags. Karkat attempts to grab another one of his cigarettes, but the chief knocks it out of his hand.

The group heads inside the building and inside there are many humans and trolls walking around, some sick and some with medical equipment.

“Is this Skaia hospital?” Jade asks.

“Yup,” affirms the bounty hunter. “Smart troll, it’s harder to track her with all of these people and smells around.” The female troll then grabs an unfortunate nearby human doctor, “Have you seen a female troll recently? With one eye that has seven pupils?”

The nervous human responds, “Wait are you talking about Vriska?” The group nods eagerly. “She is usually in Room 413.”

The group ran off to said room with only Jade and Feferi giving a thank you to the doctor. 

The crew finally arrives at Room 413 and through the glass window they see Vriska. Sollux withdrew his handcuffs ready, but Jade stops him.

“Wait a second Sollux,” she then points inside the glass, “who is that?” 

Inside the hospital room along with Vriska is a human man sleeping with wires connected all over him. Vriska is watching him desperately as if she can’t get enough of his image.

“Chief,” Jade whispers, “Let me and Karkat go in there and talk to her. There’s something she’s not telling us, and besides this is our case.” The chief gives a hesitant nod and Jade turns to Karkat, “Kar-“ but she stops because he’s trying to catch his breath again.

“Don’t worry. . . I’m on it. . . Now stop giving me . . . that fucking face Harley.” Jade pulls him by the arm and into the room.

Once inside, Vriska throws herself closer to the human.

“It’s okay Vriska,” Jade sooths, “I want to help you.”

“You can’t help me,” growls the spider troll.

Jade looks at the man, “Who is this?” 

Karkat picks up the records at the end of the bed, “A Mr. John Egbert. Suffering from a coma for . . . eight months? Well fuck.”

Vriska looks at John and smoothes his hair out, “You don’t understand.”

Jade takes a step closer to Vriska, “I want to understand, and quite frankly,” she indicates to the window behind her showing the rest of the assembly, “you don’t have much of a choice.”

Vriska looks down at the man and then to Jade, “I love him soooooooo much. He’s the only thing I truly care for.” She takes a deep breath, “Eight months ago, we were supposed to be married. The date was drawing close. But he’s a construction worker, he secretly wants to be a comedian though,” Vriska says with a pained laugh. “There was an accident, and . . . he’s been like this ever since. I come to see him everyday hoping that he’ll wake up for me.”

Vriska turns to Jade with a desperate look on her face, “I’ve tried to do good work, I swear! But that’s not enough to keep him alive. I’ve spent so many nights sleeping on the streets for him because these stupid doctors won’t let me sleep here with him.” She looks back at John, “If I’m not able to keep him alive, then they’ll pull the plug.”

“Must have troll doctors working on him,” assumes Karkat. “They’re not well known for being hopeful or kind.”

“I know that it’s unlikely that he’ll come back to me,” Vriska continues, “But I don’t know how to live without him. That’s why I stole the jewels and money.”

“Alright we got a fucking confession!” Karkat exclaims. “Let’s cuff her and call it a day.”

“No,” mutters Jade looking at John.

“What do you mean no? She broke the fucking law Harley, and that leads to jail time.”

“It’s not fair for her Karkat,” Jade defends. “This isn’t fair for him either.” 

“Yeah well sometimes life is fucking unfair,” Karkat rationalizes.

“Not this time.” Jade turns to Karkat, “This isn’t our decision.”

“Yeah you’re right it’s the Chief’s, but if you think that he’ll say any dif-“

Jade interrupts, “No! It’s not the Chief’s either. It’s Ms. Peixes. She’s the one who set the charges, and I’m sure she’ll repeal them if Vriska tells her story.” Jade turns to the spider troll, “Will you tell your story again to her?” Vriska nods solemnly.

“This is stupid Harley,” Karkat argues.

“Well it’s what we are going to do.” She then drags Karkat back out of the hospital room and explains the proposition to Feferi.

The millionaire says that she wants to hear it for herself before she decides.

Five minutes later, Ms. Peixes returns saying that she’s made her decision. 

“I’ll drop the charges on two occasions,” she says sternly. “One, I want you Jade Harley and Karkat Vantas to personally watch her yourself to make sure she stays out of trouble. Care for her,” Feferi turns back to look at the spider troll, “It’s obvious that she needs someone to.”

Even though Karkat answers with silent shouts of hatred and anger, Jade questions how this should be done.

“Well you could always offer her a job as your personal assistant, she needs the money right?” propositions Feferi.

The Chief steps in, “I’ve already had to fire a good number of officers, I can’t just go hire an assistant we don’t need.”

“Well I think that she’ll be a good addition to your team,” rebuttals Feferi. “And if it’s that big of a deal, then I’m perfectly willing to donate to the Police Department.”

Stunned the now sweat chief can only say a stuttered thank you. 

“What’s the other demand?” eagerly asks Jade.

“Well,” Feferi then turns to Officer Captor and presses herself close to him, “I won’t force you, but I would like it very much if you would go on a date with me officer.”

Sollux blushes but gives an affirmative nod, and with that the millionaire sea troll leaves. The rest of the gang is left in stun silence, especially Karkat who gives up and  
hides to smoke in confusion. 

“Mmmm,” Terezi moans, “I smell bananas.” 

This causes the lisp-y troll to blush even harder, “Shut up tz.”


	5. Aftermath

“So, what did you do before you joined the force?” Jade questions while twirling her pasta.

“I don’t know, I worked at this fucking dump,” Karkat grumbles stabbing his own food. The two partners are sitting in the same diner at night the day after Jade solved the case. True to his word, Karkat is taking her out to socialize; however, he’s being skimpy on socializing part.

“Did you really? That’s interesting Karkat. Is that how you met Gamzee?” Jade encourages as she stuffs the pasta into her face. Karkat took a break from his food to grab another one of his cigarettes. Jade sighs, “I thought you were going to be more fun than this Karkat.”

“Boo-fucking-who. I don’t have the time or patience for this shit Harley,” Karkat puffs out smoke into her face which she waves away coughing. “It’s about time you learn that.”

Jade slams her fork down, “You know what Karkat?” He shrugs his shoulders, “You are a jerk!”

“Oh that’s a good one. How long did it take you to think of that insult?” The smoking officer mocks.

“Ahh!” Jade screams in aggravation. She gets up and starts to leave the diner, but before she leaves the door she turns around and says, “You are a FUCKASS!” And then she stomps out the door.

“Whoa fuck bro,” says their waiter, “What was that bitch’s problem? Did she lose one of her motherfucking miracles?”

“No Gamzee,” Karkat says stealing some of Jade’s food because hey, he paid for it. “We just don’t get along.” Karkat pauses for a second, “But I have to say that she’s starting to fucking improve. I might be able to tolerate her yet.” 

“Well you know them motherfucking miracles, bro.” Gamzee says with a daze.

“No Gamzee, I do not.”

Across town in the police department, a troll sets her stuff up at her new desk alone. Her desk is near Karkat and Jade’s which are facing each other. Another nervous troll comes up from behind her.

“Hello Ms. Serket,” greets Chief Zahhak. “Let me first say welcome to our department.”

Vriska doesn’t look at the Chief, “Hey Equius how’s life? It’s been a long time since we last saw each other.” She continues to set her stuff without missing a beat.

The Chief begins to sweat, “I do not know what you are talking about, Ms. Serket. We do not know each other.”

The spider troll smirks, “Cut the crap Equius, no one else is here. You don’t have to fake right now.”

The male troll calms down a little, “You are going to give me a heart attack one of these days Vriska with your sloppiness.”

Vriska turns to her new boss, “Maybe if you didn’t stress out so much you could live longer.”

“I am requesting that you cease your taunting.” Equius stutters.

“Ooooooooh, you’re requesting are you? What you can’t command me?” She watches the Chief as he continues to sweat at dangerous levels, “What? Are you worried that I’ll squeal?”

Equius tries to calm down, “You know that I promised to protect you as long as you keep my secret a secret.”

Vriska began to drum her nails on her lip, “I know that of course! But what would you have done if Ms. Money-Bags decided not to drop the charges?”

Chief becomes stiff as a board, “I . . . I would have at faked your death to get you out of jail.” 

Vriska laughs, “But what fun would there be for me afterwards? I would have to leave town!”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have gotten caught. I’m surprised you did actually. Your personality hasn’t changed, so why has your skill weakened?”

Vriska walks over to Jade’s new desk and picks up a picture, “I’m a bit tired of sneaking around to be honest. It’s boring. Besides,” she settles the portrait, “It was getting difficult visiting John more and more often while sneaking around.”

Equius scoffs, “You weren’t serious about that were you?” Vriska smiles calmly. 

“What can I say Equius, I love that man. That weak human man,” Vriska lets out a soft moan going into a short day dream.

“I honestly thought that you were lying, like you always do.” Equius thinks for a moment, “In fact, who’s to say that you aren’t right now?”

Vriska slowly walks up to Equius and pulls herself close against him. The Chief begins to sweat so much that Vriska pushes herself away in disgust, but not before she steals his towel. “Clean yourself up,” she says throwing the towel back to him, “you’re a disgrace to blue bloods.”

“Well if what you say is true, then you aren’t much better either Vriska,” Equius retorts catching his towel. 

The spider troll smirks, “Maybe, but mine isn’t really a secret, and it doesn’t bother me as much as it does to you. Plus, it’s not as big as a deal with my situation compared to yours. You know society these days . . .”

“I can handle my situation just fine, Vriska.”

“No you can’t Equius,” Vriska walks back up to him and points her nails at him so hard it almost punctures his skin. “Someday your little secret is going to come out, and you’re going to need me to clean up the mess.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Well,” Vriska says pulling away, “when it does I will have to reveal your secret.”

“But you said-“

“If you’d rather I ruin the reason than protect your secret, that’s fine! I’ll never tell, and that way you won’t have to worry about keeping me quiet either because your secret will be gone.” Vriska turns away, “I can’t help you by myself. That’s why I allowed myself to be recruited here. Plus,” she sits in between the desks of Karkat and Jade, “I like those two, they make a good pair.”

“Well I won’t allow any situation like that to happen,” promises Equius. “So you needn’t worry about it.”

“I hope your right Equius,” Vriska says with a slightly sarcastic sigh. “This is a situation of life and death. You better not fuck this up.” The very sweat troll ignores her for once. 

He turns to grab his towel, but out of nervousness he rips it, “Fiddlesticks.”

“You still say that? Ugh, you can be soooooooo lame at times,” Vriska smirks. “Come on, why don’t you say fuck? Say it with me, fuuuuuuuucccckkkk!”

“I do not deal with such uncouth language Vriska, you know that.” Equius says as he uses his torn towel to dry himself.

Vriska sighs and gets off the desks and walks toward her own, “Well it was nice talking to you Equius, but I need to finish this.”

“I understand,” and the chief starts to leave the room.

Vriska concentrates on her stuff “I enjoy these chats, you and me; we get along well as blue-bloods. Don’t you agree?” 

“Yes,” replies Equius from the door. “These chats fit perfectly with our blood type.” And with that final word, Chief Zahhak exits the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look forward to more PoliceForcestuck in the future.


End file.
